Well well well. . . so much to tell! Hope you're not on a diet 'cause I'm aimin' to sit down with ya and chew the fat! Here's my ramblin' Blog from most recent to oldest! It's all you can eat so help yourself!
Well Miss Wenda put on the biggest pinkest most glitteriest thing she could find, made a big sign that said "God Loves Me" on one side "And Jesus thinks I'm Fabulous!" on the other and headed down to the new Santa Fe Convention Center. When the people from the Dallas Bible Church holding their hate rally in the guise of Jesus' love approached me and told me I was welcome to come in I told them "I know. Its MY community center. I live here." When they said that they are just here to praise Jesus and "don't hate anyone" I asked then why did their website say that the "Homosexual explosion" had turned Santa Fe into a new Sodomy and Gomorrah and it's river had dried up like the city's morals and they would pray for Santa Fe's sins and when our morals returned the river would flow again. " They SERIOUSLY asked me "What website?" I told them www.revivesantafe.com and they just stared at me. This happened more than once! I asked them "Don't you know what this group is?? Haven't you researched who these people that have come into OUR home to tell us how we are living is wrong are??? If they ask you to drink the kool aid; are you going to???" One girl said "but its in the Bible" and I said "Yes, and in the same paragraph in Leviticus saying its a sin it also says that eating shellfish, wearing blended fabrics and having sex with a women while she is menstruating is just as big a sin. Have you done any of those? I believe your "Revive Santa Fe" t-shirt is a cotton-poly blend there. The bible is not a buffet, we don't get to pick and choose what we like and don't like!" No response. (I was really amazed at how little these people really knew. How much, when given the facts, they were unable to back up wheat they were doing there.) Finally when the head honcho came out and again, told me I was welcome inside I told him "I know I am ITS MY COMMUNITY CENTER! I live here! And honey, I just moved from Dallas a year ago and I know how it rolls too." He smiled ands said "Its a great city isn't it?" and I said "Yea, but let me ask you doesn't the Bible say "Pick the plank from your eye before picking the splinter from mine?" "Yes it does" said the Texan "Well apply it" I said. "This city is the oldest in the country. Over 400 years old and we are doing just fine. You go get Dallas cleaned up and sin free THEN come back and see us."
Once the line was substantial enough I said so everyone could hear "The real reason I am here is because the suicide rate amongst lesbian and gay youth is extremely higher than any other minority and it is because when life is bad enough and they feel they have no one to turn to and should be able to take comfort in the love of God you people tell them He hates them instead and THAT IS A CRIME! No matter what you do you CAN NOT convince me that God doesn't love me exactly as I am and for you to use Gods love as a weapon against people different that you must be a sin bigger than any other I can think of." Someone said "God DOES love you, he hates the homosexual act!" I said "If God is all love then how can He hate?" They had no answer. It was time to go inside and they again invited me in. I apologized and said I had to go put my "Christ Consciousness" into action and had volunteered to go work on a show for the Santa Fe Recovery Center helping alcoholics and addicts." (Yea I know talk about me playing the martyr card but those people eat that kind of shit up and it shut them up thinking I wouldn't come see what they were about because I was actually DOING something to help others! hee hee) I told them that I hoped they would think about what I had said and to remember the only time Jesus got mad is when he went to church! If nothing else there was a high school girl waiting to go in that I looked over at and she smiled and did tiny hidden waive to me barely moving her fingers. Maybe she will know that God loves her for whoever she is. AND YOU TOO! Okay enough-the newspaper story is below. How they didn't use a picture of me I'll NEVER know!!!! LOL Have a great day!!! http://www.santafenewmexican.com/SantaFeNorthernNM/Revivalleaders--Mission-is-one-of-love
The email below is an open letter that I sent to Kyle Martin head of Revive Santa Fe which is the group sent up here from Dallas Bible Church (DBC) to 'save' Santa Fe. Dear Mr. Martin, Well I heard we had some out of state visitors to our new convention center and I wanted to go down and welcome ya'll to OUR city like a good hostess should so I put on my prettiest pink dress and went down to MY new convention center to see your Texas group there. Took LOTS of GREAT pictures too! Although it is a clever guise you are using wanting to pray for Santa Fe's river that has "dried up like our morals" And how the "homosexual explosion" has ruined our community unfortunately your concern just doesn't ring true. You see, I moved from Dallas over a year ago and I gotta tell ya Kyle; you really have some nerve thinking OUR city needs help. Not only is our city 400 years old and doing quite well but Kyle honey, we don't even have a GAY NIGHTCLUB in our town. Dallas??? Please. Because I believe God is pure love and therefore cannot hate anything or anyone I'm not always on the look out for cities full of sinners that need savin' but since you do you might want to take the Biblical quote "Remove the timber from your eye before plucking the splinter from mine" and apply it. Unfortunately, looking deeper and knowing from past experience that most of these new Wal-Mart churches' motives (like DBC) and the Zealots that lead it (whom The Bible also tells us to steer clear of) are usually not on the fundamental side so much as they are on the fiduciary me thinks that Dallas just can't support another "mega-church" and upon looking around and surveying the land several bells and whistles went off when asking yourselves two questions: "Where is there a place with 1) wealth and 2) no mega churches? " and "Santa Fe" was the response that came back. Now honey, I believe in free speech and since I want to have the right to live me life the way I like I must respect the fact that you have the right to live yours as you like. But just as I don't come to your house and try and dress you in drag or force you to date a man because I think its right, don't be coming into my home and try and force what YOU think is right on me. You know, when I hear of gay and lesbians teens time and again committing suicide (their suicide rate is disproportionately higher than any other teen group) because at a time in their life when they are already so confused and troubled then to add the confusion of possibly being gay to that and feeling they have nowhere to turn and the only place they may have to find comfort is in God's love and you come along and tell them they don't have that either because God hates them is nothing short of a crime. Using God's love as a weapon against people different than you is, if I believed as you do, probably the greatest sin I can imagine. I know, I know "God loves everybody he hates the homosexual act" as many of your people tried to explain to me as I marched up and down Marcy street with my "God Loves Me and Jesus thinks I'm Fabulous!" sign. Blah Blah Blah. You are still singling out the homosexual as not being perfect whole and complete and just as God made them, which is not true. Being such an avid Bible reader as I am sure you are Kyle certainly you know that the same book of the Bible, Leviticus, that says that homosexuality is a sin also says eating pork or shrimp, shaving, wearing blended fabrics and having sex with a women while menstruating is just as evil a sin. SOOOO, just our of curiosity Kyle, ever get all showered and shaved, slip into a cotton-poly blend shirt and slacks to go eat at Red Lobster and have a romantic evening to help soothe your grouchy wife??? Hmmmmm??? Well that's FOUR in one evening! Us poor gays just have the one sin. (Unless of course WE get cleaned up and go eat Red Lobster with our boyfriends. But that's still only 3 sins since we, as men, don't menstruate and RARELY wear a cotton poly blend! And eating at Red Lobster is kinda questionable too so we might just have the two sins [shaving and gay sex] to your four. ) Jeez! Come to think of it. Maybe we need to be praying for you all. My God! Every day there are millions of middle class straight people in strip malls and road side BBQ stands around the country that are just blindly sinning their way to hell and flinging their Kathy Lee Gifford sports apparel and McRib sandwiches right into the face of God!! The Bible is not a buffet, friend. We can not pick and choose what we want and leave what we don't so if you are gonna pursue this "pray for the gays" thing you better get your act in order quick! Or better off, just admit you don't like fags and quit hiding behind Jesus' robes. Heck, I would respect that a whole lot more than this, I mean at least its honest. Or, as I suspect is the case, just come out of the damn closet and quit taking your self hatred and internalized homophobia out on the rest of us and give me a break because, to me, and I am serious about this what you are practicing is a form of terrorism. Coming into someone else's town and home, uninvited, and deciding that how they are living is wrong and your way is right and then forcing your ideas, concerns and religious beliefs on them while telling them that they need to be saved and that by thinking like you do and acting like you do they will be happier and their city will be better is, quite simply, terrorism and right now there is only one thing the entire country agrees on and that is "We won't let the terrorist win." Go home Kyle. Save YOUR city. Save YOUR soul or better yet be a real Christian and just do the two things Jesus asked of us: Love God with all your heart and love one another and let's leave the judging up to HIM. Have a safe trip back and come back next year for Zozobra. If you are lookin' for somethin' else to pray for Santa Fe about have we got a pagan ritual for you!!
XOXO Miss Wenda Watch
Wenda's Gay 101 with Homo-Work
Well Hi Babies !
It's me again: your old pal Wenda Watch! Well my Lord what a long hard road it has been! For those of you who go way back with me to my days as cable access queen and host of my very own white-trash cooking show beamed directly from my mobile home to yours it is so good to be back with you again! For those of you I am just meeting allow me to introduce myself. My name is Wenda Watch and I have been involved with the gays now for over 20 years, and really through no fault of my own. What happened was like I said earlier back in the late 80's I was just mindin' my own business, doin' my cooking show when somehow the satellite beam got screwed up and off it shot over San Francisco right into the home of my now dear friend Sister Zsa Zsa Glamour of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. Well she thought my show was funny or campy or somethin' like that (To this day still not real sure why. I was just cookin' my favorite Spam recipes. Nothin funny ‘bout Spam.) Anyway, she asked if I would come to San Fran and do her show Lavender Lounge. Well my husband Burl is on the road truckin' so much and all of the kids is gone, well ‘cept for Goat and he's so busy what with runnin' his tattoo parlor out there in the converted carport garage that he never misses me so I said ‘why not!'
Well before I know it I get swept off into the dizzying highs and horrible lows of the queer lifestyle. Party after party star after star. Before I knew what was happening I was whisked off to nowhere else but Hollywood! Just like a slightly larger Lana Turner (who said “who?!”) I was taken to La La Land to be a part of QTN; the first international privately run Queer Television Network! Yes Babies, Miss Wenda was on her way! How thrilling that little ‘ol me was picked by a television network to criss-cross dress America and travel from state to state exploring the wondrous world of drag queens and kings and report back to all of you about all of it.
Of course, with all of the love, support and desire that our wonderful country America has to give to welcome diversity and embrace the gay culture that it has, the damn thing went belly up within the year.
Well you can imagine my shock and chagrin. There I was already getting signatures on the petition to give me a star on the Walk of Fame (If Donald trump can have one I can too, besides my wigs look better anyway.) when the heel dropped and I was out on my ear stranded in Hollywood. (Burbank actually and honey let me tell you it is a long hike over that hill!) What was a girl to do?
Luckily, about this time Burl had pulled through Silver Lake where I was staying (don't ask) in his big rig and was gonna drive me back home to Oklahoma. Well, as we were goin' down I-40 I realized we would be passin' through New Mexico and I had always dreamed of seeing Albuquerque and Santa Fe! Now that I have seen ‘em I'm not quite sure why I had always dreamed that but in any state that is so brown I stick out like some exotic tropical flower I can't help but love it, so I stayed. Got me one of them what they call Casitas in Santa Fe and started lookin' for my gays.
Well! You can imagine my shock and horror when snooping around the town so many of the fags back west call Santa Gay that I wasn't able to find even ONE gay bar. Well, there is one but its more like paying a visit to my great aunt Chubby at the retirement home back in Oklahoma affectionately called “God's Little Waiting Room” than it is visiting a gay club. Anyway, when I did run across the occasional gay, lesbian or (thank God!) a tranny I was just dumbfounded to learn they knew nothing of their, your, our fabulous gay heritage and history. No no no! This would not do! I immediately called up my dear friend Ryan at The Voice and I said “Who ever has been passing out gay cards around here is asleep at the wheel! Being gay means SO much more than sleeping with someone of the same sex you barely know and will regret meeting in the morning! It is more than knowing Brittany's precise location of every freakin' moment of every freakin' day. (Jesus can you imagine where that girl would be if she was talented? All this on a whiny voice and Manic Depression. Shit, if that's all it takes my closet should be filled with Grammy's by now!)
Anyway, I realized that once again the GLBT community was in desperate need of Miss Wenda's help! Wonder Wenda to the rescue. So here's how its gonna go down kids. I will do my part to help the community by bringing fabulous, famous, wonderful GLBT community members to our dried up little neck of the woods here in New Mexico (Can anyone say Trannyshack Southwest starring Heklina of San Francisco fame? Stay tuned—I've got her comin' with a whole gaggle of Trannys in May!) But you're gonna have to do your part too. I am revoking everyone's gay cards as of now and we are all going back to school! I will be assigning ‘homo-work' for you all each week and the following week we will discuss what we learned and then get our new homo-work for the next week. You may be asked to read a book, download a Shirley Bassey song. (Who said ‘Who?!” See this is EXACTLY what I am talkin' about!) You may be asked to watch a camp classic movie or find out who Harvey Milk is before the big new Sean Penn movie about his life comes out.
Eventually I hope to host gay movie night at one of the local theaters where we can all join together in a darken room, finally for once without a mirrored ball hanging from the roof and the smell of poppers hanging in the air. We can all come together in our faggotry, dykeness, and trannydom and bask in the glow of Judy in Oz, or Divine in Baltimore both magical wonderful moments in our Queer history.
So-nice to meet ‘cha! If you see me out you'd better say ‘howdy!” Rest up ‘cause schools back in session starting next issue. Oh babies we are gonna have a ball together joyously trudging down the yellow brick road of our incredible GLBT history and heritage. So- stay tuned! I've got so much fun up my sleeve you'd think I was Doug Henning. (Who said “who?!”)
A Letter Home
In between shifts, or when the fryer is down I like to take the time and write home to friends and family. Below is one of the grease and tear stained letters for you to read.
I wrote this to my dear friend Jack E. Jett upon hearing he was planning on going for the world's record for the longest televised broadcast.
Oh! Damn it! I gotta run--the baby's just peed through the last page of my Sears Catalog and the only thing I can think of to do now is to either just go ahead and sit him in the cat box or start peelin' the labels off the canned goods. See. . .I ain't kiddin when I say “Write SOOON!” (I need the paper!) Before I go though: Honey, answer me this: How does someone get to a point in their life where they are frantically trying to find the last ink pen their convict son has yet to drain to tattoo his friends so she can write down which can of food is which because she has had to peel the labels to diaper their children? It all just snuck up so slowly its not until its all too far gone that you look up and say “Now how in the hell did I get here?” Oh well. This new change to the Southwest may just be the charge my life needs! Oh the baby! Damn it! Now-Where in the hell did I put down that Sharpie?? Love to you! XOXO Wenda
Trannyshack Farewell Performance
Well the amazing underground club and San Francisco's longest running drag show, Trannyshack, has come and gone. My dear friend Heklina was sweet enough to invite me out to San Francisco to be one of the "command performances" she featured with her last three shows at The Stud. I was honored to get to perform along side such amazing talent as FOUR past Miss Trannyshack title holders as well as the incredible Rentecca! The video is not the greatest quality as it was shot over the heads of the HUGE crowd from the back of the room but you can get to see about as well as everyone else there did. I had sucha great time and a huge "Thank you" goes out to Heklina for allowing me to perform on that stage one last time. Was it REALLY 12 years ago that I first performed there??? Wow! I look terrific! I just wish I got a picture with Heklina! Where is she? Oh yea, in the back counting all her money!
Here is another clip from a viewer closer in the crowd.
Here I am backstage amongst the glitter, glamour and what appears to be a glob of old lube. Hmmm, must be Rentecca's
Here is a former Miss Trannyshack (and the first genetically female one too) as well as my good buddy Michael.
I made so many new friends!!!
Rent, honey. . .you are HUGE!
Just two simple girls out on a Tuesday night for some fun! Me and Rentecca.
Found some old footage
Babies! Lord more and more of my past life seems to be resurfacing and I couldn't be more thrilled! Unlike so many other aspiring actresses these days I have yet to make a sex tape (which probably explains why I am still not famous!) but I have made some television and film that I can share with everyone without first askin' the yougins' to leave the room. This here is what they call in the biz a "sizzle reel". It highlights all of your past work. I am stealing my dear sweet heart Andrew Scott's sizzle reel as I happen to appear in it here and there. He produced the fabulous talk show "On Q Live" and I had the honor to co-host the show for a week. Enjoy and there is MUCH more to come so keep checking back.
Tranny-Insanity!
Well it has come and gone and it was too much fun to even be believed! The Trannyshack girls made the past weekend an enormous success!! Now don't worry babies I will be posting lots of videos and pics of all of the events but for now let this little video tide you over. This is Matthew Martin as Baby Jane. He appeared this week in Santa Fe and absolutely brought the house down AFTER the real show ended and we ended up crashing a Cajun Crawfish Boil happening at Second Street Brewing Company across the street from Backroads Pizza where the show was. Well walking in with 7 drag queens (5 of whom where all over 7 feet tall!) was a bit scary but leave it to Miss Martin to pull a stunt out of her hat to rival one of the best scenes in "Priscilla Queen of the Desert." Before we even knew what was happening we look over and the broad is on stage with the Zitago band singing "All of Me" to beat the band!! We11 that made the entire room, rednecks and trannys alike, stand and cheer for this amazing performer and the rest of that incredible night is history! Here he is at San Francisco's Metro as his legendary Baby Jane Hudson. Go Baby Go Baby Go!
And here is a preview for Matthew's upcoming film: Baby Jane
Now let's talk about Peaches! What a doll. So sweet, so SPOOKY! Her Midnight Mass is still going strong in San Fran. Here's a peek:
Rentecca: I have known this gal for years and am always amazed at what she will come up with next. Here is one of her performances at Trannyshack
Heklina was charming, funny and such a wonderful hostess. Here she is doing the Trannyshack song:
And Cockatelia? Well she stopped the show with her tortilla number but I can't find any video of her so you'll just have to wait until I upload the Trannyshack Southwest video. Sorry babies but check back soon for pics and videos of the entire event!
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