Blogfast Hot Off The Griddle

Well well well. . . so much to tell! Hope you're not on a diet 'cause  I'm aimin' to sit down with ya and chew the fat! Here's my ramblin' Blog from most recent to oldest!  It's all you can eat so help yourself!

Trannyshack Farewell Performance                           Thursday, September 04, 2008, 10:00AM                                   Well the amazing underground club and San Francisco's longest running drag show, Trannyshack, has come and gone.  My dear friend Heklina was sweet enough to invite me out to San Francisco to be one of the "command performances" she featured with her last three shows at The Stud.  I was honored to get to perform along side such amazing talent as FOUR past Miss Trannyshack title holders as well as the  incredible Rentecca!  The video is not the greatest quality as it was shot over the heads of the HUGE crowd from the back of the room but you can get to see about as well as everyone else there did.  I had sucha great time and a huge "Thank you" goes out to Heklina for allowing me to perform on that stage one last time.  Was it REALLY 12 years ago that I first performed there??? Wow! I look terrific!  I just wish I got a picture with Heklina! Where is she? Oh yea, in the back counting all her money!                          Here is another clip from a viewer closer in the crowd.                                       Here I am backstage amongst the glitter, glamour and what appears to be a glob of old lube.  Hmmm, must be Rentecca's Here is a former Miss Trannyshack (and the first genetically female one too) as well as my good buddy Michael. I made so many new friends!!!     Rent, honey. . .you are HUGE! Just two simple girls out on a Tuesday night for some fun! Me and Rentecca.

Blogfast is Served!     Well, before we start chewin' the fat I gotta say I can NOT believe what a big movie center Santa Fe has become! Stars runnin' around here right and left. Hollywood nothin! Welcome to Tamalewood!  Now, before we start gossipin' about all the stars I see comin' in and out of my diner WE need to get caught up.  Oh calm down! Here: Britney did somethin' white-trashy and almost killed her baby again and Paris did somethin' white trashy and almost killed Britney and Nicole is passed out over under table twelve and won't even let me put some of my Dr. Pepper Lip Smacker on her afeared of the calorie.     There now, back to me,  It's just that I do so want to address this past Christmas.  Seeing how I was so recently and so rudely kicked from the limelight and have just now landed in these white orthopedic waitress wedgies it made it so I was unfortunately forced to spend this past Christmas back home in Wetumpka, not only a fallen (almost) star but also a broke one. Had I been Norma Shearer and had this  been a George Cukor film my story, although tragic, it would have warmed the hearts of all that encountered it. And I, with one single tear glistening in my eye like a giant 5 karat diamond, would have been the heroine to generations of women and very sensitive (yet tasteful) boys.     However, I am Wenda Watch and my life is anything but a George Cukor movie.  More and more I find its like a post-Divine John Waters flick that only leaves you with greasy popcorn hands and a heart full of embarathy. Embarrassment and empathy all rolled into one.  (You know the feeling you get during American Idol when that nervous black girl is REALLY trying but OH LORD! she's no Whitney.  Or watching the real Whitney on Bobby Brown's old show just screaming in the middle of a restaurant about her husband's farts and realizing she's no longer no Whitney. Or watching Oprah Winfrey dance and sing along to a guest star and she clearly doesn't know the words.  Embarathy. You'll use it tomorrow, promise.)   Now, interestingly enough, like so many trite Christmas tales that have come before I was offered up in a big shiny box the opportunity to find the real meaning of Christmas.  Although I had Christmas' before with no money to speak of this time it wasn't from my husbands rampant drug and alcohol consumption.  I really worked hard, was a good person, (well. . . ) and still I had this experience.  There was a life lesson here and I was going to learn it, or eat my weight in Hello Dolly's in anger, so I proceeded thusly:       Pauper's chin held high, martyred brow knitted just slightly (like Norma headed off to Reno for the big D) I was offering a hint of suffering behind a wall of spiritually based strength. (Shut up! It looked that way anyway.) I held myself up, open, and accepting of what the Universe had to teach me, no matter how embarrassing or degrading, desperately hoping it ended with me rushing back into the arms of my television crew after humiliating that damn Joan Crawford in front of everyone. . . . .Wait. . What?     Anyhoo, as the holiday was unfolding itself and we all went from trailer to trailer visiting friends and relatives I was just crumbling inside.  Meanwhile, on the outside, I was determined to spend the entire time filling each double wide from which I came and went with the same bare, open dignity and poise as the unadorned aluminum Christmas tree in the corner with only an empty Busch Lite can for a star; finally a shining serene object at one with the Universe.  As I went through the experience, I explained to each person who was supposed to receive a gift from me my plight. I graciously accepted their gift while offering them only my hand in gratitude and a Joyous Noel hug.  Through this I found one thing to be breath-takingly clear about people's basic generous open hearts and The Miracle of Christmas: It didn't amount to a hill of beans come Dec 24 and you were still empty handed. People were pretty damned pissed and figured I could have at least bought a roll of toilet paper from The Dollar General. Some of them even took their presents back! When I had to face MeMaw at The Retirement Shack she tore up her traditional $2.00 check, flicked the pieces and her cigarette butt back in my face and said "This is BULLSHIT man!" then tore off. I still have little tire marks she left across the top of my boots. I was shocked.   So- I did some investigating and learned that in the Spring of 2002 America's greatest brands hyped a friendly limited corporate merger between themselves to pool their resources and take on the great public service task of updating antiquated racial, sexist and bigoted Christmas literature to a more user friendly politically correct format.      Secretly however, fearing that America's reaction to 9/11 would be an enormous wake up call to come out from under the spell of the Brave New Corporate World America had forged, AT&T, Pepsi-Cola and The Home Depot bought the naming/gaming rights to The Spirits of Christmas Past, Present and Future respectively and they have been product branding all of our Christmas Eve dreams ever since. This explains how so easily we have come  to recognize the true meaning of Christmas but still not give a shit. "Yea yea yea, baby in a manger, save all our souls, All is calm, All is bright but still; whatcha get me?" Supposedly the changes were to be so soft and well integrated that we wouldn't even detect the difference.  You know, very similar to the silk like transition of "Candlestick Park" to "3-Com Baseball Space Playing Arena." Smooooth.     I certainly wouldn't have investigated further but suddenly, "Visions of Dole Brand Sugar Plumb Alternative Lifestyle Couples Dancing in My Head" come to think of it did have a ring of familiarity about it.  I normally wouldn't have noticed that either really but I remember through the dreamy fog of my last Christmas Eve dream thinking how odd it was the Sugar Plums were dancing to Gloria Gaynor. Then, this year while trying to put this whole mess behind me and just wishing to get back to sleep the Boom Boom Boom of the disco beat kicked in and suddenly the smell of poppers just knocked me in my kerchief right out of out of my bed! That's when I couldn't ignore it any longer and went to snoopin'.     Anyway, I am back to Tamalewood where everything weird makes sense, thank God, and you can bet I am already saving for next Christmas.  Jesus maybe the reason for the season but honey, Wal Marts has controlling interest.  Welp, gotta go- I'll have more hot dish next time you drop in.  "Hey Nicole! Honey get up! No that is not a napkin to wipe up your vomit! That is your dog honey!"  Lord my load is heavy. Come back soon, ya hear!

Found some old footage Tuesday, May 27, 2008, 11:00 AM Babies! Lord more and more of my past life seems to be resurfacing and I couldn't be more thrilled! Unlike so many other aspiring actresses these days I have yet to make a sex tape (which probably explains why I am still not famous!) but I have made some television and film that I can share with everyone without first askin' the yougins' to leave the room.     This here is what they call in the biz a "sizzle reel". It highlights all of your past work. I am stealing my dear sweet heart Andrew Scott's sizzle reel as I happen to appear in it here and there. He produced the fabulous talk show "On Q  Live" and I had the honor to co-host the show for a week. Enjoy and there is MUCH more to come so keep checking back.

Tranny-Insanity! Monday, May 19, 2008, 1:30 AM Well it has come and gone and it was too much fun to even be believed! The Trannyshack girls made the past weekend an enormous success!!     Now don't worry babies I will be posting lots of videos and pics of all of the events but for now let this little video tide you over. This is Matthew Martin as Baby Jane. He appeared this week in Santa Fe and absolutely brought the house down AFTER the real show ended and we ended up crashing a Cajun Crawfish Boil happening at Second Street Brewing Company across the street from Backroads Pizza where the show was. Well walking in with 7 drag queens (5 of whom where all over 7 feet tall!) was a bit scary but leave it to Miss Martin to pull a stunt out of her hat to rival one of the best scenes in "Priscilla Queen of the Desert." Before we even knew what was happening we look over and the broad is on stage with the Zitago band singing "All of Me" to beat the band!! We11 that made the entire room, rednecks and trannys alike, stand and cheer for this amazing performer and the rest of that incredible night is history!  Here he is at San Francisco's Metro as his legendary Baby Jane Hudson. Go Baby Go Baby Go! And here is a preview for Matthew's upcoming film: Baby Jane Now let's talk about Peaches! What a doll. So sweet, so SPOOKY!  Her Midnight Mass is still going strong in San Fran. Here's a peek: Rentecca: I have known this gal for years and am always amazed at what she will come up with next. Here is one of her performances at Trannyshack Heklina was charming, funny and such a wonderful hostess. Here she is doing the Trannyshack song: And Cockatelia? Well she stopped the show with her tortilla number but I can't find any video of her so you'll just have to wait until I upload the Trannyshack Southwest video. Sorry babies but check back soon for pics and videos of the entire event!